Back to work

This post is one iv been thinking about for a while it’s been playing on my mind but iv not wanted to write it as it will feel real that In 3 MONTHS I will be going back to WORK! Right ok iv said it now I feel better.. or do I? I have so many mixed feelings about going back to work I don’t even know were to start. For a start I’m only going back part time as my commitment to being a mum comes first now. I don’t want to leave my baby and let someone else look after him while I’m at work looking after someone else’s baby? I don’t even understand that in my head someone is looking after my baby while I work and I’m looking after someone else’s baby while they work. I work in childcare if you didn’t already guess.

Before I got pregnant I loved my job, iv always loved working with children and helping them to grow and develop. I love helping children build confidence for when they go to school, teaching them and learning them new things every day, I love being that comfort they go to when they are feeling anxious about leaving their parents being that role model they look up to, being there for them and helping them to be confident sassy little superstars that they are. I work with children with special needs such as autism, cerebral palsy, children with sensory needs and children with ADHD … but there all just labels every child is special and needs some sort of support in different ways. I just love supporting and helping them achieve their goals.

So when I found out I was pregnant I couldn’t wait to do all that for my own little baby. I knew that I would do my best to help him develop and grow just like I do with the children I look after at work. But now I feel like going back to work will feel so strange leaving my baby while I go and support and help another baby grow and develop. I wish I could do both I wish I didn’t have to leave my baby and be there for him, but I suppose that’s all a part of learning for me and him, Arthur will learn that it’s ok not to be with me all the time and he will build relationships with other people, he will learn to separate from me and be happy about it. He will learn to be independent and maybe even learn skills from other people that I can’t help him with. This will be good for both of us and I just need to keep telling myself that because it’s going to make me leaving him so much easier. Especially when I am going to be leaving him to look after other baby’s

Although I’m split about going back to work I also can’t wait to get abit of time to feel independent again and feel like I can have a couple of hours at work and come home to see my beautiful baby who I know will be looked after so well while I’m at work. At first Arthur is only staying with his Dad and my mum (his Grandma) in time I will send him to nursery as I know the importance of baby’s/ children going to nursery’s but for now while he will only be 9 months old I am going to keep him with family. He will go to nursery one day but I’m not quite ready for that yet.

It’s been 5 months to the day I’m writing this blog my Arthur was born. That 5 months has gone so fast I feel like iv blinked and skipped to this point and I just keep blinking and time skips days, months soon it will be years, so ye I’m scared that I’ll go to work and I will blink and it’s his 18th 21st … wedding day, that might sound over the top but that is literally how it feels and I just don’t want to make time go any faster than it already is! This is the most important moment that’s happened in my life and I just want this time to cherish forever and not regret anything I do.